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Getting your sexy back after baby: Light kink & bondage

Rachel O'Reilly

Getting your sexy back after baby can be a challenge. Hormonally, physically and emotionally your body needs time to heal and adjust. Without rushing the process, at some point both you and your partner will want to reconnect and feel the sweet heat of sensual intimacy again.

Of course, things are different than they were pre-baby when you both were getting a full night’s sleep! It may also feel vulnerable for women to share their postpartum body again with their partner. In any case, infusing your sexy time with a fresh twist can be an inviting way to create new energy in the relationship…and makes you temporarily forget about the lack of zzz’s or other barriers you might have.

One of the options for a provocative twist is kink and bondage. For most, the words “kink” and “bondage” probably evoke a taboo “50 Shades” vision of whips and chains, leather shiny things strapped all over, and a punishing-like environment. However, that doesn’t have to be the case and indeed isn’t for most couples who enjoy a little “kinky” time! There are many sensual and simple ways to incorporate kink and bondage into your sex life that will enable you to go to another place together while feeling safe...and very turned on.  

Typically this kind of sexual play involves what’s known as a “Dominant” and a “submissive.” In male/female relationships there’s usually a desire by partners to be one or the other. You might think that being a female submissive would make you an “object” for your Dominant to use in whatever way pleases him. In fact, in loving kink and bondage experiences, (what we’re talking about here), this is not the intention. What IS is an opportunity for the man to be in “control” while feeling into his manhood, a sensation he may lack post-baby and something you may be craving more of. A Dominant can follow his intuitive desires to do things to please, surprise and satisfy the female submissive. This can be an experience of total worship of a woman’s body, or the submissive, without any form of degradation.

With this in mind, we’ve put together a few tips and resources to explore what might become your new desired way to be intimate and feel sexy after baby.

Prepping for a night of light kink & bondage

Items to consider starting with: A quick google search will pull up many sites to purchase these items below, (and more). If you have a good intimacy store nearby, like Good Vibrations or another boutique, drum up some courage, stop by and check out the options. Sometimes it’s nice to touch and see what you want and the people working there are very welcoming and helpful. 

  • Silk or satin sashes: Silky, soft and perfect for tying ankles or wrists together or to blindfold. Consider buying 2-4 sashes that are each at least three-feet in length.

  • Soft body rope: In addition to sashes, there’s also rope made specifically for being soft on your body. You or your partner may want to consider reading about some of the basic sexy rope tying techniques before using these.

  • Bondage cuffs: If you prefer to not tie using sashes or rope, bondage cuffs are available for wrists and ankles. You can even find ones that are lined with soft materials.

  • Blindfold: Try silk or some other soft material with an elastic strap or ties. Or, use a sash.

  • Flogger, whip, or paddle: These come in all shapes and sizes. Whatever you choose, light and playful pressure still can feel surprisingly intense without leaving a mark.

  • Feather tickler

  • Nipple clamps: If you decide to give this a try, go for nipple clamps that are completely adjustable, meaning you can set them for a light squeeze or something more intense if you choose.

  • Massage oil candle: We love this one from Oskia, London. You can pour the oil directly from the lit candle onto the skin without worry of burning your loved one.

  • Things you have at home: Ice, oils, lube, or whatever else you want to add to your experience.

  • Of course lingerie, or adorning your body however you like can add to the experience.

Getting in the zone: Before you start, establish two levels of safe words. For example, “yellow” could mean it’s getting a bit too intense, signaling the Dominant to pull back a bit. “Red” could mean stop, immediately. These words lay the groundwork to freely enjoy the experience with both partners knowing they can adjust or end it at anytime.

Whoever is planning to be the Dominant should spend a few minutes alone getting familiar with whatever additions you’ve decided to include for your time together. For example, adjust the nipple clamps to see what that requires. Just put your hands on the items and get comfortable with it all.

A good opening line that can establish who’s in control could be the Dominant telling the submissive, “You have 10 mins. to get ready and be on the bed.” It creates anticipation and gives the submissive a direction to follow. This time can be used to put on lingerie, shower, brush teeth, etc. During this time the Dominant should be thinking about creating the most sensual space possible. Cell phone ringers off, lights low, candles lit, (body massage oil candle too!), the right playlist on if you want music, and a bed that’s ready.

The next steps are up to you! A simple and erotic way to begin is by covering the eyes of the submissive and tying wrists and/or ankles. The Dominant could even then leave the submissive on the bed in the dark to tune into his/her senses, further building anticipation while the Dominant gets him/herself ready, (shower, brush teeth, etc.). The first several minutes should be about easing into the full sensory experience, acknowledging the whole body of the submissive with calculated touch, using whatever additions you like. The Dominant might assertively whisper his/her demands such as, “roll over” or “don’t move” as part of the sexy build up as you explore deeper into each other’s desires and senses.

Submissives: Your role is to be in touch with your body, let go, and receive. Often much harder than it sounds ;)

Don’t rush it! Relish in the process. Take your time. Go there together.

If you want further reading or resources, here are some goodies:

Naughty knots

Sexy stories: The big book of kink

Or, many more here.

Any naughty tips, resources, or ways you’ve found to bring your sexy back after baby? We’re all ears…